#1 Early Beginnings

So, this is my first blog.

My life is rather mundane, full of nothings and placid conversations. I’m a well-adjusted stay at home type of child. You might ask, why? You’re a 19 year old with a lot of options. Sadly, I was sort of a shut-in at rather an early age. I always depended on myself, and no one else, for I was always at the corner of a building, glancing in one direction for an hour or so.

I did attend public school for about 7 years, and then I was taken and put in a home-based educative environment.  For those who don’t really have much information regarding home school, it’s really about working at your own pace, away from the distractions of modern day schools. I won’t lie, it’s a tad depressing. No one to talk too, or share lunch with. It’s just you and a pile of books. That’s a major con about attending home school, and the fact that when you’re in need of assistance, it’s you you depend on. You’re your own teacher, and student. Role-playing seemed key, but it wasn’t.

The pro’s were, you don’t have to put up with detention or bathroom passes. You aren’t under any pressure to finish on time, but, it wasn’t always the best. Because of this option, I neglected school for the past 3 years and it was a hard to get back on track. I was real lazy, lazier than a sloth I think. I’d brush it off and do nothing, pretending to study, even though I had not one clue what I was doing. I suffered a lot, my grades plummeted 10 feet into the ground, and I was stuck, for what I though permanently.
I was finally able to regain control, but it took a lot of effort, and focus. I started attending a government funded public school online, and that’s exactly what I had needed, some motivation. With teachers constantly calling me and e-mailing me about their concerns regarding my grades and the way I was taking things, it helped, greatly. I went through hell thereafter, many things happening at once. I was 14 when I started high school, and I was still very immature, not that I’m still not, but I’m getting there.

Now, I’m a college student, and while balancing caring for my double-amputee mother (whose another story for another time) and my younger sister, it gets hard, and there are times I want to end it, and just run away. But I don’t, because I’m here for a reason. And leaving my family behind would be selfish, I know what it feels like to feel alone, cast out from the crowd and as if everyone is judging you, but it’s easier when you ignore it and go on your way.

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2 thoughts on “#1 Early Beginnings

  1. As someone much older, but no less burdened with familial stuff and depression, I feel for you deeply, and know, at least in part, what you’re going through. I admire your bravery and tenacity. While I was never homeschooled, I dropped out of college three times due to a nervous breakdown, and never completed it. Please, keep up the good work.

    • I know, I’m sure others are in worse situations then mine, but I guess each to his own, no? 🙂 Thank you so much for your lovely words, and home-school is tough, I thought it would be easy, but it surely wasn’t. Oh my, I’m sure college is worse, but I wish you well. 🙂 Thank you, I will.

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