It’s been quite a few weeks since I’ve been feeling a bit rundown, my skin losing it’s natural crimson shade, and fatigue overcoming me with such overwhelming power, I felt I’d drop right then and there. There come along other acute symptoms that waver constantly, and I’m afraid that something may be terribly wrong with me. Thing is, I’ve been rather careless with my health, treating it as a game, and it’s not supposed to go that way. I’ve been in this situation before, where I was cured, but for the time-being, I feel horrid.
Thankfully, I have friends that care, but that’s the thing, I don’t want people to care. I feel like I’m burdening them with something that isn’t so much of an issue, I’m treating this like a trivial matter, and it’s not. What I possibly have could develop into a cancer, and this has many worried, except me. And that’s what angers them, that I’m disregarding it so lightly, and that they’re here in a position where I’m the stubborn child. I understand how grave the issue is, but I believe I’ll get better. No, I haven’t consulted the stars or anything, I just know. I tend to be optimistic at the worst of times, which worries people sometimes.
Now, one thing does worry me. My friend, (whom I won’t name), for personal reasons, fell a while back in college, and she passed out. I wasn’t there at the moment, and I received the new a day late, when I did find out, I burst out and told her why she hadn’t told me before, or why she hadn’t been more careful. Which meant I do care, since I tend to care for everyone, wishing nothing bad comes along to hurt them, but when it comes to me, I wish they wouldn’t worry so much. It’s only natural that they care, but it’s a facade I place up that keeps them at bay. When they tell me things such as, ‘You have to get help, you’re not even sure what’s wrong!’ I get rather angry, or irked that they ask so much, but then I calm myself and realize that their only intention is to help.
Anyways, let’s get back to my friend. She’s now suffering due to the consequences of falling, I fear that she may have something wrong – neurologically speaking – with her self. Her hands tremble and a headache with such constancy that she says never stops. I’ve known her since we were 7, and now this is where our friendship shows it’s true colors. I’ve had friends and acquaintances, and I’ve been told to never honestly trust someone, because we are only human, and we falter all to easily. At least, I do. I’ve let so many down before, with having been such a compulsive liar in the past.
I realize that I stray from the topic too much, but there’s a lot on my mind as of recent. The foremost outstanding point is that I know I should let others care for me, but I just can’t. I feel leaden with it, as if they’re wasting there time in doing so.