#12 tit for tat I always say.

“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall. ”
― Vince Lombardi Jr.

I am currently in a what I call a mid-thought situation. I don’t finish anything, nor start it well. I also realize I have not blogged in almost over a month. But in that month, I have recurred to so many pasts and futures. And it tortures me.

I feel like I’ve been burnt and the scars are slowly healing. Very slowly. I’ve been writing, not for NaNoWriMo, which I was, but I do not stand a chance. Probably next year, I have so much on my plate, I’m literally stuffing my face into the dish. I’ve foolishly succumb to the common ailment, which is delayed procrastination. Luckily, one wasted terminal has been writing, and it’s been glorious. There is one thing I always do when writing a novel of any kind: I never finish. I’ve always given up. I end up crumpling the notes in my mind, and toss away what could have been.

So, what is my near-year’s-end resolution? Finish what I’ve started. I must delve into the abyss, and come out accomplished, having reached what was unreachable. In the meantime, things will get more than complicated, seas will rise with torment and disasters will occur regardless. I realize we all have problems, we all suffer, but if we still ourselves in that moment, pressing ourselves in with reassuring lies. What’s the point?

Recently, things come and go, nothing is reassured, and nothing is guaranteed. I guess it’s what makes life interesting, worth living for. Romances become passionate pits, but are soon reduced to nothing but ashes. Friends are sooner your shoulder to lean on, later you become the end of their gun’s barrel. What I mean to say, is that nothing is permanent. Nothing sticks, nothing lingers. Only the torment of one’s lament.

For me, I am stuck in endless reveries, terrible ones, sometimes things smile once in a while. It always comes down to one thing, waiting at the end of the road, is something inevitable and wants my heart, my soul, wants me to fall, to never rise. It’s horrible, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever come out of it. But… I will. I will.

But the meantime, I’ve been rushing through pages of studies long lost in my mind. Studies that create a spark within me, and will only continue to scatter as I acknowledge how grandiose it is.

What I’m trying to say, to interpret, is that life is never easy. It’s an individual’s journey, where we will come upon two roads, but we can create others, and find just how wondrous it becomes. We must show all just how different we are, how far we’ll come, and how many times we;ve fallen, only to have come back up, a silhouette against the hills.

I know this post is lackluster, and has absolutely no focal point whatsoever, but still, it bothers me. Plus, in doing so, I feel much better. I know every blogger knows this. It’s fun to throw all this off your chest, instead of lugging this around aimlessly.


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