#15 leaving behind the despondent glances.

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“If you’re reading this…
Congratulations, you’re alive.
If that’s not something to smile about,
then I don’t know what is.”
― Chad SuggMonsters Under Your Head

So, as far as I’ve seen, 2012 was not my best year, but it does not mean I not grateful, there have been moments where I’d whisper and tell myself, “But this, this here is why I manage to trust in God, and why this year is always open for the better.”

Sure, we’ve all broken down along the way, whether it was every month, or every day. Many had it hard, and others haven’t. But we all have one thing in common, the drive to stay alive. Whether we deny it or not. But at the end of the day, I found myself smiling, murmuring a prayer under the dry heat of summer, or the frostbitten air. I was alive, and I was here. This year, was full of a lot of things I didn’t expect, but then again, we never really do expect anything. We set out goals for ourselves, and we end with something else, sometimes better than originally planned.

There are many things I learned, and was open for the largest margin of error. I’m not the most coordinated human, and I fall every four steps. I am not the quickest with equations, and I’m not svelte or full of depth. I am my own, and with every fault I found, I found myself closer to our Creator. And with time, I grew to realize, these things don’t matter, because I was alright with who I was. I pray, still, that with the more I age, the greater I become with that great acknowledgment.

And it’s about the astonishing bewilderment there is. It makes you think for hours on end. It makes you pace the floors incessantly while you hum the last lines of a newly discovered folk band.

You can’t believe it, you can’t place your mind around it, and you can’t possibly wonder anymore that you already have.

So, without furthermore, I list all I’ve learned and smiled about this year, or at least the essentials. I think that what I’ve done this year is open for improvement. It always is.

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1. I gave my life to Christ. 

2. I learned to drive. 

3. I became an integrated writer. 

4. I struggled with minor depression for a few months, only to find a smiling sibling behind the door. It’s alway heart-warming to find someone holding out their hand, and telling their bigger sister it’s all going to work out. 

5. I learned a foreign language. 

6. I’ve remained single, without envy ever getting in my way. 

7. I’ve learned that the older a marriage gets, well, results may vary.

8. That one novel can destroy/throw off your entire evening.

9. I found refuge within people I never thought I would. 

10. I learned to smile, genuinely. 

11. I found that in fact, laughter can cure the sickly of heart.

12. I found studies are far more entertaining than a mindless game of monopoly. 

13. That looks are nothing but a front, and beauty is in fact, found inside us. 

14. I see that love is nothing short of a long-term friendship. 

15. I’m breathing.

No, I did not find earn a nobel prize, write out a memoir, or run a marathon. I’m that person that no matter what’s done, there’s always a light, sometimes thin, sometimes flushing brightly through the blind’s on a summery July morning, I’ll find my way.

Sure, things will get worse, people will continue to die, others will fade. We will lose some, but we will gain much more.

Next year is always open for new possibilities.

Which is why I decided to make a bucket list, write down the things that made me smile.

Love the people who care, and love those who don’t as well.

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2 thoughts on “#15 leaving behind the despondent glances.

  1. Motivational post! With that list you’ve definitely accomplished a lot – I wish I knew how to drive. Though finding refuge within people, truly smiling, and studying instead of playing monopoly are all great as well. (:

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